I heard we made out
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
