Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
