I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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