return my video game
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
