The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We are all done wearing pants today
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
