Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i already hear my dad disowning me
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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