do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
