I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
