Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
