whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
