literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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