idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
