Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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