My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
