i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
