brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
