It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
