Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
They are going to name an STD after you.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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