So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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