Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
