We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
