I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
