Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
