I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
