Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
