the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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