Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
