I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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