It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
