Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
