There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I believe in your delicious
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
