I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
