If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
