So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
