i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
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