Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
