Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
