So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
