Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
