I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
