I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize
