You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
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