also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
