It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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