Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
