my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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