and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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