The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
my liver is dry heaving
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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