Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
