The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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