I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
