why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
